English pages

The impatience of the heart


The impatience of the heart

All the life we are waiting for Love …
Not just – love, but LOVE!
Let the soul got frozen in anticipation of Beloved one, and all the music seemed was written just for Two.All the poems and songs are – just for Them, and feelings of the souls could be shared without any words.

Oh, how eagerly we are waiting for it’s arrival!
And in our youth, and later, in mature life time, with impatient heart we often take the desire to love – for the true Love.
So much you want to love – but nobody around to Love!
There is no yet this person, who is the only close and dear for the heart.
He didn’t come so far, he was not found in this great world.

You look around, and get scared: what if I missed the destiny? Almost all the peers are with pairs and just you’re alone, alone … and you look even for yourself as being absurd and ridiculous, and the loneliness getting to be even harder, when you see the happy faces of your friends with their families.
You feel like sad and jealous, and you want now, at this such a glorious, foggy night, someone close to you was nearby.
You want to touch by your temple someone’s shoulder, to catch the oncoming smile…
And let His hot hand holding yours, and you can share just with one glance, with a smile all the feelings of your soul.

And now … the impatience of the heart leads us to the wrong way.
Leads to other person, not Yours, not close one.
But how much do you want it to be worked out!
We are in a hurry to push away all the mistakes, misunderstandings, the difference of souls – as t-shirts in a poorly packed suitcase: let them just fit in and no one noticed it.
This way we build our unhappiness, the misfortune of your own life.

A very little time passed and you discovered that all those nooks and patches, hastily packed in the image created by your greedy, impatient imagination, – all they are still sticking out as it was before! And it’s getting to be even harder and harder to live next to the stranger soul.
It is difficult to blame yourself, and you begin to blame your partner for the disorder of your souls. You are trying to change your close one but … it’s impossible!

And now you are giving up, you are saving yourself in the stereotype expression “everybody lives this way, people are not perfect, we must accept it as is”…
And … it begins one more boring, still and sad human life – without future, without joy and light.
Just – a life which is “like everybody around have” – to endure, to accept because you just Must, because – “life is life”…
Such a comprehensive expression, explaining all the possible problems ….!
Just to reconcile and to unite what is impossible to unite and to reconcile …
It is unhappiness of the one passionate soul, which happend in such a mystical, misty white night….

English pages

Essay for Adagio in G minor for Strings and Organ by Albinoni


Love – is a tragic feeling.
Real one.
One and Only.
Not just a dream about it, not fake, not false, not convenient feeling and sure not just a means for the sex.
That is the feeling, when one person fufills the whole of your world.
And everything, the whole life becomes – only Him.
You see other people, events and things only with His eyes …
All, everything is connected with him.

Love would not become a carefree happiness.
I do not know whether there is generally a happy love.
If Love could be happy at all…
In the most common sense: when it getting easier to live; when there’s wings behind your back, and life smiles at you, and everyone seems like happy, because YOU are so happy …

Love is a hard feeling.
With a dark shroud it covers the sun and daylight, and there is no enough air to breath because He is away …
There is no light, because He is away of you.

But when He is near … there is also no lightness and happiness.
Because … He will never become close enough to you … even in the most intiem moments.
Because… the thirst of the complete – and impossible Unity tormented soul, tearing the heart with….
Because there is no absolute and complete fusion of souls, hearts, thoughts … and every look and every thought which is not about YOU fills the soul with a poison …
Every second is fulfilled with the bliss of love and passion – as dark as it’s velvety southern sky …

It is fatal – such a Love.
True Love.
It will never become weaker, but it will exhaust you …
It will burn the soul, break the life, you will become moody and sad, light joy goes from your life.
But still … cursing and complaining, you’re ready to give your life for this feeling to stay with you forever!